The Naked Jape

Writing Life: 1

PEN Canada is a fine organization doing important work in our country and around the world to celebrate literature, defend freedom of expression and aid writers in peril. For a writer, PEN Canada strikes me as the very quintessence of “a good cause.” Supporting PEN Canada always makes me feel blessed to have been born in Canada, where our domestic concerns as writers tend towards improving our copyright laws rather than evading unjust imprisonment, torture and death. But for many writers in other parts of the world, stringing sentences together and sharing them with readers—something we Canadian writers can freely do—can inexplicably be judged an act of treason by corrupt and undemocratic governments. So, I’m “all in” when it comes to supporting PEN Canada’s crucial mission, or in this case, “all off.”

I tend to remember when I’ve been asked to take all of my clothes off and pose for a photographer. It really hasn’t happened all that often in my life. (Okay, it happened only once. Happy now?) So I vividly recall the day the wonderful writer, Amanda Leduc, and the very talented classical music producer, Allegra Young, contacted me in 2012. They asked if I’d consider posing naked for a calendar in support of PEN Canada. My first thought was they clearly had never laid eyes on me. My second thought was that if they were hoping to raise money, there were probably better ways than publicly releasing a naked photo of me. Still, they persisted.

Then I asked who else was going to be in the calendar sharing in this, um, exposure. I was heartened to hear the names of all the stellar writers who had already agreed. Vincent Lam, Dave Bidini, Yann Martel, Angie Abdou, Miranda Hill, Trevor Cole, just to name a few, and the wonderful Steven Heighton whom we sadly only recently lost. The chance to, um, rub shoulders with such a stellar array of Canadian writers, even if only in a calendar, seemed too good to pass up.

Then I confirmed that there would be no group shot. I’m not sure I could have handled that. (Hell, I wasn’t sure I could handle the private solo naked photo shoot.) Besides, the actual photo shoot wouldn’t be until well into 2013. Saying “Yes” to doffing my kit six months in the future somehow seemed easier and found common ground with my procrastination complex. So, I said “Yes.” How could I refuse? PEN Canada is a wonderful cause, an important cause. And how could I look Angie Abdou or Vincent lam or Trevor Cole in the eye the next time we met at a festival knowing they’d agreed to shed their clothes for PEN, but I hadn’t?

Amanda Leduc and Allegra Young who cooked up the naked calendar idea.

Well, in my more than six decades on this humble, warming, earth, I’ve discovered, as many of you likely have, that the march of time cannot be stopped. Six months rolled by at an alarming pace. In March 2013, two young women photographers arrived at my home. In the library my wife and I designed on our third floor, I removed my clothes as they removed their lens caps. Man, that all happened fast.

Since January 2013, I’d been on a diet. Despite earning nicknames in my youth like “Ribs” and “Bones,” for the last several years, I’d been carrying around an extra 15 or so pounds. Okay, maybe 20. I’ve wanted to do something about it for years, but just never have. I can now report that the prospect of posing naked for a calendar was just the incentive I needed to start counting calories for the first time in my life. I’m not sure hearing a doctor say “You will have a heart attack in the next six months if you don’t lose 15 pounds” would have put me back on skim milk, but the Bare It For Books calendar certainly did. After twelve weeks, I was down nearly 20 pounds, and my triple chin had regressed to its original single status. My friend Trevor Cole, Mr. February, lost 40 pounds(!) and posed with a strategically placed shovel, and I don’t mean resting over his shoulder.

Apparently, I was to be Mr. August. As I told the National Post for the story they ran about the calendar: “I figure they gave me August because so many Canadians are away on vacation that month. I think that’s probably for the best.” You can read the article here or click on the image below.

The photo shoot that day in March 2013 was about as surreal as you can imagine. The two photographers were lovely and did all they could to make me feel comfortable in all my naked glory. Their chosen “prop” for me to use to, um, protect my modesty (as for my dignity, well that ship had already sailed), was a framed photograph of the space shuttle. (My third novel, Up and Down, then in bookstores featured a space shuttle mission and a memorable journey to the International Space Station.) The high point in the photo shoot came when one of the photographers looked at how I was sitting on the arm of a red chair in our library, and specifically, how I was positioning the framed photo of the space shuttle.

“You have the space shuttle pointed downwards. I think it would look better if it were pointed upwards,” she said.

I agreed and made the required, ahem, adjustment.

Well I reckon it would be all wind-up and no pitch if I failed to “reveal” the photo that ended up in the calendar. Be gentle.

Mr. August reporting for duty.

In late 2013, there was a launch event for the calendar at Ben McNally’s perfect bookstore (soon to reopen at a new Toronto location near Jarvis and Queen). A few of us calendar models (ha!) were on hand to meet PEN Canada supporters and to sign calendars. The tricky part for me was deciding exactly where on my photo to place my autograph.

A few months later I was in Fernie, BC, to give a talk and reading, and be interviewed on stage by my writer pal and calendar co-conspirator, Angie Abdou. It was a great trip and we seized the moment for a second photo shoot, but this time, together and clothed—yes, I know, there’s that ugly jacket again, now long retired.

Angie Abdou et moi in Fernie, BC.

Of all the weird, wacky, and wonderful experiences this writing odyssey has granted me in the last fifteen years, and there have been many, none will be quite as weird, wacky, wonderful as the great naked calendar caper.

Postscript: You know those 20 pounds I shed for the photoshoot? Well, they’re back.

Please do support PEN Canada.